A letter to my donor

 

Dear Donor,

I am writing this as we fast approach two years since the day you decided to give a part of yourself to me. I recently learnt something about you that honestly changed my whole perspective, not only towards my own life but towards others and the power we have to those around us. All this while they had told me that there was a connection between the person that my friend Leah had donated her kidney too and you.. the person I received my new gift from… it came as a shock to later find out that in actual fact you did not know the person that Leah’s kidney went to, nor did you know Leah or myself.

This means that you were a stranger, someone in the cornerstone of a tiny country named New Zealand that walked into a hospital one day and said that you would like to make a difference in someone else life and donate one of your kidneys. We call those people Angel donors, and they are the rarest form of donors out there. Without repeating facts that you already know, you are in fact my angel and for some unknown reason that brings imminent tears to my eyes, out of all the people that could or should have received a kidney, you picked me.

I have so many things to tell you, but first, it goes without saying that every day with every second breath of my freedom I thank you from the bottom of my heart.. and your (very large) kidney. You gave to me a piece of yourself and I hope more than anything that I can honour your sacrifice and be the person that I think you are… someone selfless and willing to serve others. Within your act, you have given me a purpose and a goal for me to start this new life. You have given me a third chance at life and I wish that I could find you and thank you in the way that you deserve but legally I am not able to so I will start from now to write these letters to you and show you what myself and your kidney have BEAN up to (ha ha kidney bean)

In these two years I’ve somehow managed to be so wrapped up in the freedom of it all I’ve not taken the time to write about what it is like not doing dialysis 15 hours a week, not spending every other waking moment between the hospital or my bed and not living off supplements, medications and IV substitutes. I’ve proven somehow that I have been able to take care of myself and made it past my 1-year milestone so forgive me for coming with this thank you so late .. but trust me we (kidney and I) have been extraordinarily busy living a life I had given up hoping for and in the process been too scared to come forward with our praise.

They say that you should dream big, dream without limitation and pave your own path. I was someone that did all of those things but knowing that at the top of my to-do list stood the one thing that could make or break the other dreams and that was “get a kidney transplant”. Something that was the epitome of my happiness had once been the bain of my existence (my failed previous transplant) because on the one hand a kidney held the possibility of freedom to achieve all my other cloud 9 dreams but it came with huge responsibilities, me changing my lifestyle, becoming self-aware and taking care of myself in a way I didn’t care for before. I am proud to say that I’ve learnt the challenges and although I am still figuring the ropes of a kidney transplant I’m living every dream possible but this has only worked through my putting the health of your kidney as the top priority. It was with this heart that I was afraid to look at my blog, afraid to talk to the magazines or do the great awareness things that I was supposed to. I was afraid because it was all happening and I did not and still do not want to jinx a dream I am still at sight off waking up from. That still is no excuse and my latest challenge is to fix this by opening up and sharing, properly and dedicating time to this cause.

So what has changed? well firstly like most things I have done in the past, a thought is not the same as an action. I cannot wait any longer to tell you what I have been doing or any longer to say a proper public thank you and if things went badly I still have no excuses to have not said thank you for what has been the best 2 years of my life. So as I am currently on the cusp of my SECOND (that is right SECOND) massive trip overseas I decided to crawl out from my shell and share to you and the world how grateful I am and make a vow that I will share my journey right here for you to read and be a part off.

At the end of the day, you and Leah found me (indirectly) through this blog so it makes no sense why I would abandon the one thing that made everything else true. I’ll report back soon as I leave in 50 days to explore some more and live out things I swear I would have only ever watched in movies if it weren’t for you. To you, I owe this life but as I am unable to express my gratitude I promise that I will be the person to as many people that I can be … as you had been for me… the saviour they had been hoping for, someone with alot to pay forward. 

love always,

Denisha (Denny).